operation harelip BJ is a go
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
