when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
