there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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