Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
