He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
