like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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