I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
