Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
