she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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