just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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