His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
