Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
no more duck duck goose at the bar
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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