Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
