just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
