I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
