she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
