All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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