Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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