..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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