I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I am one with the molecules
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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