Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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