I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
