do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
