He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
