i don't plan on having that self control this summer
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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