If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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