i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
