one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
