sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
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