apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
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