He had one of those small greek statue penises
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
