She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
