can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
