Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i love accidental penises.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize
