Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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