i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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