The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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