I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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