brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Life is so much better after having sex.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
