The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
