My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
