Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
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