giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
