sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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