The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
