It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
