i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
