dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
