let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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