she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
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