By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
