this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Randomize
