she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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